Why I Hate Seafood

Yes, I know. You’re probably shaking your head right now as you read this. Sorry not sorry; seafood is gross. Yep, I said it. I have a few reasons though and they’re very reasonable, trust me. I know a lot of vegetarians/vegans will probably give me shit either silently or outwardly because how dare I eat an innocent cow but not want to eat fish?! Well, it’s not for the reasons you think. Besides, most of you vegetarians eat fish still anyway and if you ask me, that’s very morally contradicting don’t cha think? lmao, but that’s for another blog post I’ll never write.

1) It smells gross.

I’ve never described something that smelled bad as “cow-y.” Okay to be fair, that long road on the way to Disneyland is pretty bad; however, that’s because it’s the cow poop that smells not the actual cow. When have you ever heserious-fish-spongebob-something-smells-fishy-ard someone who just got a whiff of fish stank say “YUM, makes me crave some sushi!!” WHEN?! TELL ME. If a “fishy” smell is considered a turn off, why do people actually want to eat a meal that blasts the whole house with fish gut fumes? I’ll never know. Like so many sayings about the word “fishy” have many bad connotations so I don’t understand why we look at it in food form as appetizing? IT BAFFLES ME.

2) It still looks like a fish when people eat it.

fishslide_432798_5637098_free09102015-grilled-lemongrass-shrimp-shaozhizhong-820130923-P1050354

Do I really need to say more? At least the cow and pig I eat don’t look like an actual cow and pig when I eat it, and I like it that way thank you very much. So no, you’ll never see me eating meat right off the pig as well (ex: luaus, y’know those pigs with the apple in its mouth) because that’d be contradicting of me. However, I will eat the meat once it’s shredded and on a separate platter lmao. I understand some meals with fish, such as sushi, don’t look like it’s original form. But still, there’s too many meals in the seafood realm that still look like the original form and it turns me off entirely. You don’t see my plate looking like this, do you? Let me say it in Spanish: NO. 😂

meal

My point exactly.

3. The texture weirds me out.

You slurp clams, sushi seems slime-y since it’s raw, and that crunch crabs make when you’re breaking the shell *shivers.* Also I know fish sticks aren’t the best seafood has to offer, but the texture of even that felt like hash browns and I’m not about it. Also canned Tuna is like legit mush, where’s the difference?? Also, back to the crab thing, read this: FullSizeRender 6

Mallet??? Hitting the knife?? PIVOT? SNAP? All these words, if used in a different context of course, could also be used to describe how to kill someone. Yep, not about it. Plus isn’t it lobster that’s still alive when you boil it? C’mon vegetarians who still eat fish, that’s some sadistic ish. I’m no advocate for PETA, but I don’t want to hear a pig squeal right before I eat. I feel like that’d ruin my appetite. I’m a meat lover but I have a heart, gosh.

 

 

 

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