Alyssa From Target

During this last holiday season, I decided to take on a job at Target. I love Target. You know how it is to any moms out there reading this, you go in for one thing and come out with a 200 dollar total. How’d that happen? Psh, you can blame the kids all you want for throwing in that last-minute Lego set (like my mom does), but you know dang well you don’t need that Maybelline lipgloss or Keratin stay-in-conditioner treatment that’s allegedly supposed to “heal your hair of all split ends” either. 201508_1303_dfbac_sm.jpgI can’t tell you how many times I have had a mother come up to me in line and say either one of two things: “My husband is gonna have a fit when he sees all this unnecessary crap I bought” or “I only came in for one thing, I don’t know how this happened.” Whereas when it comes to dads they throw their deodorant and 6-pack of beer on the belt, attempt to crack a dad joke, and then pay. Simple. Obviously, two completely different spectrums lol. I know, families aren’t just mom’s and dad’s…there’s mom’s and mom’s and dad’s and dad’s and apparently Eiffel tower and mom, also 19-year-old dad and mid 30’s mom (ew, has anyone heard of these stories?). But, I’m just going based off stereotypical situations, I don’t have time to be politically correct right now no offense lmao.

ANYWAY,

Having a job in Customer Service is enlightening, in the kind of way that makes you want to rip all your hair out. You also learn that common sense, is in fact not common. Therefore, I thought it’d be funny if I shared a few of my ridiculous stories with you guys that I’m sure anyone who has dealt with customers could relate to.


The Weird Banana Guy: It was pretty late at night and my shift was about to end when a guy with a hurried look on his face ran up to my lane. I hate to sound ignorant or rude, but the dude was on some kind of drug, okay. He was sweating out a swimming pool, he was wearing a tank top in 55 degree weather, and he wore cargos. Can’t trust anyone in cargos man, who knows what they’re hiding in their many pockets. He was buying one banana, yes just one. It obviously didn’t cost much, so he handed me his one dollar bill.  He didn’t want me to touch the dollar though, he wanted me to grab his dollar with a napkin and he wanted me to wrap his dollar in that napkin. He didn’t want me to touch his money, but was perfectly fine with his banana touching the belt that I’m pretty sure a kid wiped his booger on earlier. I then wrapped his money (because the customer is always right sigh lol) and by now he’s gotten the attention of the security guard and the customers behind him in line. His voice was demanding and threatening. It’s like if I had decided to not wrap his money, I’m sure he would have put me in a choke hold on the spot. Once I put the dollar, still wrapped, in the register he leaned in and whispered, “I’ll be back for my dollar, so don’t mix it up with the rest.” My reaction exactly: imageproxy.pngHe never came back and I held my pepper spray tight in my hands as I walked to my car, so don’t know what was up with him. But, that’s only story 1.


Theft Accuser: Giiiirrrlll, so this middle-aged caucasian lady comes up and is super blunt with me one day. I tried asking how she was and nope, nothing. She wasn’t having it. She looked professional and was wearing a business suit. I’m sure maybe she was just having a bad day but, damn. Way to kill my mood haha. She continued to be rude all while I was checking her stuff out and bagging it. Watching me as I packed everything as nice as I could into the bag so she didn’t have a reason to go off on me. I don’t mean to be rude yet again, but I’m sure she was the kind of person who is probably divorced and hates kids. Anyway, she leaves with an annoyed sigh and I laugh to myself. I swear I was a proficient employee, so she really had no reason to be so pissy. I continue on with my day when out of no where she comes running back to my lane minutes later saying that she couldn’t find her phone. I looked around everywhere and I swear it wasn’t there. I didn’t even see her on her phone when she was paying anyway, otherwise I would’ve thought, “aww, the lady with a stick up her a** actually has friends? Who woulda thought :)” She didn’t necessarily accuse me of stealing her phone, but oh damn she implied it.

“well, this is the last time I had it”

“I don’t know where else it could be *glare*”

“You might want to check in there *points to a bin where the Target bags are stacked and where no way in hell her phone would’ve fell into*”

Long story short, she found her phone in her purse 🙂 My reaction: bqZpW.gif


Time-Of-Day Police: This one sweet, old grandma finished paying and as she’s putting her credit card back into her wallet I wish her to have a great day. Y’know the basic cashier “Have a great day!” line. Keep in mind she was unbelievably nice the entire time- well, until I said that. Apparently it wasn’t a good day for her, because she pursed her lips and sternly said “It’s a great EVENING.” In her defensive it was 6 p.m., but in my defense I didn’t even know what time it was because I was too busy packing all 60 cans of her damn cat food and scanning all her damn coupons. I gave her the receipt and didn’t say anything else. I had no words. But, this was me as she walked away: Well-Then.jpg


 

I could go on and on about these stories, I really could. I’ll leave it at 3 though for the sake of this blog entry being pages and pages long. I don’t work at Target anymore because it was just seasonal (thank god), but it was quite the experience. Target has ruined the color red for me, oh and khakis. I don’t wear this shirt often (only as pj’s) because I associate it with work, but one morning my mom sent me on a Target trip for breakfast stuff. I had just woken up and didn’t feel the need to change from my PJ’s and I headed off. I got stopped a good 2 times guys by people asking questions about prices!!! I was wearing plaid pajama pants, but somehow people thought because I was wearing a red shirt that I worked there.

It wasn’t that morning trip, but another time a guy who usually came to my lane stopped me while I was in normal, everyday street clothes NOT ON THE CLOCK while I was SHOPPING FOR SHAMPOO to ask me where the poster boards were. Many employees walked by, but he felt the need to ask me because he recognized my face first I guess. This is how the convo went…

*tap on my shoulder*

Him: “Could you show me where the poster boards are?”

Me: “uh, I don’t work here anymore, but she can help you *points in direction to person actually ON THE CLOCK*”

 

I’m sorry, but I wasn’t getting paid for it anymore and he just weirded me out sometimes lmao. Oh, the many adventures of Target. And you thought it was just Walmart that was interesting! 😂

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