Anxiety

I chose this picture to feature with this blog post because my dog, Kiki, is me in most situations. Everyone else is all smiley and living life and I’m over there bug eyed/freaked out thinking of the worst thing that could happen. I know some may see it as being a pessimist, that some events I over think way too much than the average person and I “think myself into a bad mood.” Although, I highly doubt anyone gives themselves an anxiety attack for fun. Trust me, if I could control it/turn it on and off…I WOULD. I’m not going to glorify it because this isn’t any twisted, notorious Tumblr post where I try to make anxiety seem “cute,” ya feel?

There’s nothing I hate more than when I’m freaking out about something and then I trust someone enough to open up to them about my current situation and they say, “well can’t you just forget about it. Just don’t think about it.” Like that one meme on Twitter with Arthur’s fist that I’m sure most of you have seen. It’s ridiculous, seriously. I know, from experience, that words or “advice” like that gives zero comfort. If there’s one thing that helps me, it’s when I hear that other people are worried about the same things and I’m not alone nor crazy. So, in honor of taking my own advice- here’s some events in my life where I felt like this red hed guy whose name I can’t think of. not-sure-if-dying-or-anxiety-attackI hope these stories of me practically losing my mind bring you some sort of comfort when you are in fact losing your mind as well 🙂

  • Rollercoster Slip…Literally:

So, there’s this ride called Drop Zone at Great America in Santa Clara. I don’t even know how many feet up it goes, but all I know is that planes were flying lower than the ACTUAL RIDE. Don’t get me wrong though, I LOVE rollercoasters. I really do. But, right before my family and I get on the ride my dad tells me this story: The Story (DISCLAIMER: if you plan on riding it soon, don’t read it. Just don’t. Just trust me when I tell you that it’s something that would scare the living shit out of you lmao).

Anyway, I’m waiting in line for the ride with my aunt, grandma and sister and my brother runs up to us in line and says he’s going on. My initial thought was: “UM HELL TO THE NO” considering the boy wasn’t even tall enough to ride. My grandma insisted on letting him join because he felt left out, but the whole line I felt my hands shaking and my heart race beginning to quicken and I knew what was coming. I know what you’re thinking; “if he wasn’t tall enough they’d just send him back wouldn’t they?” Again, no!! No one was checking heights, so naturally I was (sorry any relatives that are reading this, I swear I don’t have a potty mouth) HAVING ANXIETY UP THE ASS.

Everyone reassured me it was okay and basically told me to shut up because I really was being annoying lmao oops, but I felt my insides crumbling and I pulled at the belt and yanked the harness to make sure it was secured correctly like 100 times. Of course my brother didn’t end up riding in case this story gave you anxiety too, because I would’ve dragged him out the thing myself before he could buckle himself into any ride like that especially considering he wasn’t tall enough. Basically the point of this story is don’t feel ashamed when you feel like the overprotective mom because your anxiety is causing you to act like such. Sometimes it’s for the best! By the way, this is the maxresdefault.jpgview like 3/4ths of the way to the top of the tower 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

  • Being The “New Girl”

Many people see this as a fresh start and a clean slate because they were so damn tired of seeing the same people, but this absolutely terrifies me!! Do I really need to explain why if anyone’s ever experienced this??? No, not really. More specifically, it was being the new girl at the most hectic time of my life that scared me. It was my first day of 6th grade, starting middle school at a town 7 hours away from where I went to 5th grade at. MIDDLE SCHOOL GUYS. 221568_480803648599190_118546611_oThese people had gone to school with each other for practically six years and never not once moved, and there I was going in knowing no one besides my cousin who I clung to for the first 2 weeks.

Sadly, I didn’t have any classes with him so that SUCKED. The town was so small and it was like everyone knew everyone, of course besides me. I first of all, was trying to get used to having an actual schedule and multiple teachers in the first place such as everyone else, but I was also struggling to make friends and find my place. I couldn’t find any of  my classes, my cousin almost fought an 8th grader in the lunch line, and I puked on the way to school in the morning. Everything went perfect and I wasn’t freaking out at all 🙂 The nice thing though was that I had my cousin and my other cousin who I actually got closer to as time went on. I went to that school for a whopping 2 years and then started 8th grade somewhere completely new again!!! Wooo!!!

Not to mention I also moved halfway through my 5th grade year to a new school as well. Basically, I’ve moved a lot. I just get too scared to actually make friends because I’m shy at first and prefer they come to me and ah it’s just too much being new for someone who thinks too much like me. I automatically assume everyone notices the bad things about me (girl, I ain’t even that special though lmao) and assume they’re judging me. Maybe they are? But most likely they aren’t or just don’t care and AH I just remembered I have to start college (a new school) soon too, dammit. Good thing everyone is new to everyone practically in that case. Why am I trying to reassure myself when I know damn well I’m terrified? Idk. But it’ll be fine eventually omg Alyssa stop.

  • Bodie: The Ghost Town

My parents recently this summer have started to renovate our backyard. They were inspired by the rock structures that are around the rollercoaster “Big Thunder Mountain Railroad” at Disneyland. They get into whatever project they do, but that’s just back story. To do more research on their whole “gold mining” theme, we went to a gold mining ghost town nearby. We stayed the weekend at a town nearby (which was also empty) at an Inn called Bridgeport Inn. I’m too lazy to tell you what happened there and why I was scared to stay there so if you care to read the full story here’s this: The White Lady.

If you’re too lazy to read it like I am to tell it- long story short, a lady committed suicide in one of the rooms when the town wasn’t so dead and now she’s seen by multiple guests who stay there. So, yeah when I was notified of this I was totally comforted and looked forward to staying there…nOT. My sister and I ended up waking up at the same exact time during the night (around like 3 am) and just laid there in what felt like Hell. mark-twain-roomOne side of the room was absolutely freezing and the other was hot. I don’t understand why, I don’t want to know why, I’m just gonna blame it on something stupid like the wind like everyone always does when it comes to paranormal stuff even though there’s no correlation in this case. It just felt weird in the room and I felt my chest getting tighter and I wasn’t feeling particularly well. I just felt off and I know when my mom reads this she’s gonna roll her eyes and be like “Oh Alyssa…,” BUT I SWEAR. Night soon became morning, but it didn’t come fast enough.

We were all getting ready at the inn to go head into the actual gold mining ghost town when I felt a sudden rush of nauseousness. I don’t know what overcame me, but I ran to go puke in the grass. No, I did not force it to any concerned people who are actually still reading this blog. I genuinely could not hold it in and it just needed to come out lol. A lot of these anxiety stories involve me puking I’ve realized. But yea, that’s basically how I couldn’t sleep in the middle of the night because I thought a demon or Ghost lady was trying to possess me. I’ve seen too many scary movies, alright.

(There’s actually a whole lot of more incidents I could share, but I’d rather keep it short and sweet considering this post is already not that short as it is. Like that one time my lymph nodes swelled behind my ear near my occipital lobe area for really no reason at all and I had a fever and I convinced myself I had some sort of disease. To be fair, the doctor was actually conerned, but I’ll save that story for another time because I now know I am fine lmao. I hope my craziness makes you feel less crazy lol).

 

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