“Roasting” Myself

I believe the key to a happy life, along with many other “golden rules,” is learning how to laugh at yourself. By that I do not necessarily mean to put yourself down, but taking certain things less seriously makes life much more enjoyable. The way I see it is if I make fun of myself, no one else can because I just stole their thunder lol. I’ve recently learned this lesson throughout my high school years and decided to laugh at my old (very, very old) tweets. I requested my Twitter archive and dug way, way deep in my tweets. 2009 deep. Let me just get straight into this…oh god. I suggest all of you to request your Twitter archive because it’s the most entertaining thing ever. Enjoy.

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I have one word…”LOL.” I’m assuming Demi Lovato was having a tough day and my idea of cheering her up was tweeting her a joke about a potato. Who let me have a Twitter in 2009 at 10 years old? I blame my mother lmao.

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HI! I’m Alyssa! I need attention!! Talk 2 meh pls. ;-( That’s pretty much all I need to say for that one.

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Maybe I’ve just turned into an old grandma, but I LOVE HGTV NOW LOL. Property Brothers is amazing and House Hunters as well. My favorite part of Property Brothers though is when the twins, Drew and Scott, show families houses they can’t afford. The looks on their faces gets me every time lmao.

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EUGH THE TRIBAL LEGGINGS. Someone should’ve just thrown them out for me. I’m embarrassed that my last blog post was about Fashion and here I am posting about my tribal legging days. I do have a good taste in cereal though, yum.

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Let me just say, this is still true. But the fact that I felt the need to tweet him so creepish-ly that I loved him makes me cringe. I don’t even know the guy and at the time he had a fiance LOL my oh my. Oh well, celebrities get tweeted weirder things nowadays. Like “Be my daddy ;)”….I don’t need to say any more than that. Just…just go see for yourself.

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I was a Freshmen when I tweeted this and I just would like to know where the HELL I was when I saw such things lol. And why was my reaction to tweet about it? Who knows. Nothing like seeing pimps and nuns in the same day, #lit.

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Okay, I had to mentally prepare myself while going through old tweets with the fact that I will come across old tweets about old boyfriends lmao. The fact that I captioned this “aw” and I have like 3 chins going on says all that it needs to. To the people who may see this and be like “…uhh wtf…” *sends to jack* let me just say this is all just a joke lmao. C’mon it’s funny. Laugh.

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I just love how my initial reaction to my boyfriend being sad is to send him a video of me whipping. I could only imagine how scared he was lmao. But hey, it must’ve been a good choice to send him that video because according to these archives he bought me the jacket I’ve wanted for the longest time ever from PINK. So lesson learned: embarrass yourself in front of your boyfriends and they will buy you things you don’t need LOL.

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Ah, celebrity boy crazy Alyssa has returned. If it’s not me wanting Tyler Posey to love me back, it’s me wanting to meet Dave Franco. I don’t know how old Dave Franco is, all I know is that he was way too old for 2013 me. Gosh darn. Someone delete my Twitter. This is all I’ve learned from this whole experience. Twitter needs to go lmao. AND this was just a selective few of the many, many embarrassing tweets.





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