Let me just start with that I want to write more meaningful, controversial blog posts eventually, but honestly I just would like to loosen it up a little in a world that’s been on the edge lately.
Everyone has to go to the dentist at some point whether they like it or not and it’s a horrible experience every time (for me at least). It feels like an invasion of my personal bubble and I’ve practically choked on my own spit too many times to count.
If you’ve ever had any cosmetic work done, like braces or Invisalign, it’s an even bigger struggle. I’ve had braces back when I was in third grade, so it’s hard to describe the horrid procedure now. Although, Invisalign is fairly new to me. AH I feel like I’m veering off track already, but anway…basically Invisalign, if you don’t know what it is, is clear tray braces. In order for that tray to be personalized to your specific set of teeth, you have to take impressions. Impressions are humongous mouth guard looking trays filled with what looks like silly putty and the dentist then proceeds to shove it in your mouth asking beforehand, “Do you have a gag reflex?” No, I swear, my dentist asked me that and I thought nothing of it until I had sticky goop going down my throat attacking my uvula. I briefly remember taking impressions for my retainer back when I had braces, but the dentist I had back then gave me coca cola flavored goop. I wasn’t offered any flavors for my invisalign impressions and just because I’m 18 doesn’t make me “too old for it.” Lol.
Speaking of my age, my dentist always makes fun of how I don’t look 18 and old enough to drive. It’s like all dentists try to force trivial conversations and I’d much rather enjoy silence when I have like five tools in my mouth. And with all due respect sir, you don’t look as old as you do anymore in the pictures on your desk so….*hair flip* Also, I am a great driver and yes, I can reach the pedal.
Some dentists are super considerate and wipe your mouth whenever you have saliva or nasty goop residue dripping down your neck and chin, but others just leave it there. I’m starting to think my dentist likes messing with me on purpose just to have a reason to tease me to which I reply with an awkward fake laugh. I appreciate his humor when he tells me how hideous I look after the impressions are done and there’s dried goop all over my mouth. (Sorry I keep using the word goop, I have no idea what the actual term is). The goop tastes like thick Elmer’s glue mixed with a Listerine taste. No, I’ve never actually tried that concoction, but be my guest and let me know. Don’t worry, I don’t take his comments seriously lol. It’s just annoying as it is to have to go to the dentist and then have my appointment be elongated by his “witty” jokes.
Examples of my dentist’s witty jokes:
“I once saw you drive out the parking lot and couldn’t help but laugh at how small you look driving that small bean mobile.” Uh, sir, it’s a mint green pistachio colored Fiat and it’s THE BEST DAMN BEAN MOBILE YOU’LL EVER SEE.
“Your invisalign is helping you so much! Remember what your teeth looked like before? *models his hand in front of his mouth to portray how protruded my teeth were beforehand as if I wasn’t self conscious about it for a while*” Yes sir, my teeth were horrible before and thank you for noticing. 🙂 Teeth like what mine were is what puts food on your table, so YOU’RE WELCOME.
Now don’t get me wrong, this blog post isn’t meant to bash my dentist or the facility. It’s all meant as a joke such as his jokes are meant to be too (they better be or their Yelp reviews will be their worst nightmare, JK LOL). There’s just some days, such as today, where I was like, “Dude, chill with the jokes I just wanna go home and sleep. Please and thank you.” If you’re curious to know where I go to the dentist, click the link 🙂